Our parents Garry and Valerie were married in June 1967, dad was just 23 years, a dairy farmer and mum 22 years, a secretary and telephoninst, at a local carpet factory. They built a home close by the family farm and within walking distance to mums work.
Soon there was much excitement, they were expecting their first child. A very healthy normal pregnacy occurred with a few days feeling off but never actualy sick. The doctor did turn the baby a few weeks earlier but with the expected date being the 27th of September it was with great excitement that a baby arrived just after midnight on the 17th of September a little girl; a gift for her paternal grandmothers 59th birthday.
The text in italics are copied extracts of the arrival, shock and acceptance of Wendy Dianne from our mothers diary.
“12.01 the baby was born – a darling daughter. I was excited as this minute after midnight made it Tuesday and Garry’s mothers birthday. The baby didn’t cry I said “What’s the matter, she’s not crying” I repeated this and doctor said” she is alright, she is breathing.
“The nursing sister phoned Garry so I could tell him we had a daughter and while wishing mum Happy Birthday another sister placed a wrapped little Wendy in my arms; a feeling never to be forgotten. Wendy was sucking in her bottom lip making noises and I said to mum “she is blowing you kisses” “
“It seemed no time at all and Garry was there by my side again. Sister gave Wendy to him to hold. My he looked happy, proud and pleasesd. Wendy Dianne Wallace 6lb .5oz blue eyed, fair hair and 19 inches long.”
“One of the first things I noticed with Wendy was her beautiful long fingers and the most beautiful shaped finger nails, just as if they had had a manicure. Wendy was taken to the nursery and Garry went home. I dropped off to sleep very happy with myself just after 2am.”
Wendy was kept in the nursery and although mum tried to feed Wendy she wan’t sucking, by the second day when mum had milk and Wendy still hadn’t cried or been able to suck she was getting worried and asking questions. There were also a lot of distractions, visitors, gifts, other babies and mums to talk to, but there was a nagging feeling lurking inside of her that she just couldn’t shake or talk to anyone about,
“I was beginning to feel a little worried about Wendy she wouldn’t drink, open her eyes or even cry like the other babies. I could feel her heart thumping when I had my hand on her back. One of the young nurses said to another nurse that she could feel it too. I noticed another sister looking at her hands and feet which were still purple. I asked what was the matter. she said “nothing” but that wasn’t the first time I had noticed her looking at Wendys hands and feet.”
This went on for a another couple of days, mum was wanting to share with dad more of her feelings and to get him to call their doctor but there was always others around. Otherwise, post delivery our mum was feeling good physically in herself; she just had a gnawing, nagging feeling that something was wrong. During rest time, on Wendy’s third day, a nun mum liked, opened the curtains of mums cubicle.
Without any lead in conversation, consideration on mums wellbeing or sensitivity at all she said – “There is something wrong with your baby; we have called in another doctor to look at her” with that she gave mum a sleeping tablet and left the cubical leaving mum numb, shocked and in uncontrollable tears.
“In my mind I knew already, I just prayed I was wrong” she wrote.
“I left the ward and went out to the sisters desk. I said that I wanted to see Wendy as I felt she was going to leave us at any minute. I saw Wendy she looked so lovely”
Fifty years later I read this, I feel so deeply for mum; for the era that it was 1968 seems so cold, hard and uncaring, the time delay in being able to call dad, still not really being able to talk privately to him. The abrupt way in which things were dealt with. So little tact or consideration of a new mums emotions.
I feel so deeply sad that mum was told alone, without dad being there or without any information at all offered, in what was wrong. I just want to give her a hug, a mum to a mum.
So fighting off sleep and worrying and being so considerate of everyone around her, over herself, is a testiment of how selfless mum was, but I can see the growth that soon followed as mum became a strong advocate for Wendy and it starts on page 4 of this diary entry.
“I thought it better to not ring Garry but wait until he came in that night. After rest time, Wendy was brought to me, she drank a little, opened her eyes a little and tried to cry a little, I think. I yelled “oh darling, you have given me new hope” but perhaps my thinkings were wrong.”
Dad and our grandma were at the hospital to visit for the evening when mum and dad were taken to meet with the doctor.
“Garry and I were taken to another room to where a new doctor was waiting. We were left alone with him when he told us out darling daughter was Mongol.”
“Oh! Our happy world seemed so shattered, no words will ever expalin the pain we felt. the doctor up and left us and the sister came back in. We were both in a state of shock unable to really help one another. Sister put her arm around me and comforted me”
In such an insensitive way they were told, together they made their way back to the nursery mum not caring that it was visiting time and lots of people would see her, in her sad and distressed state. She just wanted to see her baby and to hold Wendy and that is what they did. Wendy was so very loved from day one.
Dad was worried for mum and would do what ever she wanted, and it was clear and simple she wanted her baby, she wanted Wendy. Mum and dad were both trying to consider each others needs and wants while also working through their own feelings.
“He was thinking of the hardships to come. He knew he would be at work and it was I who was to look after her. He also knew how much it meant for me to have a baby.”
“All I knew she was ours and no matter what, I had carried her for 9 months, we got things prepared, she was born unto us. I loved her very much.”
There were more sleeping tablets, crying, silent sobbing, worrying about each other, and no actual counseling, or anyone to talk to in regards to support people, nothing. They were both so alone, barely able to communicate with each other and so little information to access. It seems so deplorable and tragic to read in 2020.
Mum finally was taken to see their own family doctor, who was a beatuiful man. He and his wife were a very important part of or family from this time forward until his death. She was the only downs baby he delivered and he took so much pride in her, he suported mum and dad in ways that a doctor in 2020 would be unlikely to do for a family.
He would do home visists to Wendy at any hour day or night. Many a time as a child I would wake in the night to the doctor looking at Wendy and assisting mum and dad with her. He was special and probably as a direct result of his support for our parents and his deep interest in Wendy; I’m sure are significant factors, in Wendy surviving infancy.
Mum felt empowered after her chat with Doctor Rait, who was very disappointed the hospital hadn’t waited for him to come back from Melbourne to be able to talk to them himself. He assured her that like all babies Wendy just needed to be loved and cared for and that mum had all she needed to do just that.
“After seeing Doctor Rait, Garry was in the room waiting for me, we were able to talk and try to work thinkgs out a bit. He said he was happy I hadn’t gone to pieces for if I had he wouldn’t know what to do. It seemed I was his biggest worry. I loved him very much and of course I still do. We were told we could put her in an institution. This ws the last thing I wanted and I told Garry I would manage somehow. So we agreed; all we could do, would be done.
We were told Wendy had a heart murmer. Which is quite a normal condition for these children and what can cause their early deaths.
So all offers from the hosptial of leaving Wendy there with them, to be taken to an institution were declined. Mum was sent home, Wendy was kept in the Geelong Hospital for a few more days before being transferred to Melbourne – Royal childrens Hospital.
Her parting words to the sisters at the Geelong hospital were
“We want people to love and accept Wendy as we do” This was mums new life goal and she certainly achieved it as Wendy is so loved and accepted.
I'm lucky aren't I... 